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 !  Cursed, part 2

An Original Comedy Screenplay By

John H. Leeper

** Note - Terms used in spec scripts:
O.S. = Off Screen
V.O. = Voice Over
EST = Establishing Shot
INT = Interior
EXT = Exterior
POV = Point Of View
INSERT = A Camera Shot Usually Focusing On An Object


PART 2.

INT. APARTMENT FOYER - NIGHT

Linnie peeks through the peep hole into the hallway. From the look on her face it is obvious that she sees no one. Then the voice comes again and, startled by it, she cuts her head sharply to the right and stares down the long apartment corridor that leads to the bathroom and her bedroom.

STRANGE VOICE (V.O.)
Evangeline.

It is coming from the bathroom down the hall. She moves down the hallway cautiously.

(NOTE: She carries Beside Bob in her right hand.)

INT. APARTMENT HALLWAY - NIGHT

Lennie stealthily approaches the closed bathroom door in the hallway and pushes it open slowly.

INT. APARTMENT BATHROOM - NIGHT

Lennie's face appears through a small opening in the bathroom door. Immediately, she is horror stricken.

INSERT: BROWN-AND-WHITE RAT

It is the brown-and-white rat from her childhood and the warehouse. It sits atop the water closet.

BACK TO SCENE

She SCREAMS and slams the bathroom door shut.

INT. APARTMENT HALLWAY - NIGHT

Panic stricken, Linnie stands beside the bathroom door, shaking in terror, on the verge of hyperventilating.

(NOTE: She accidentally drops Bedside Bob on the floor in front of the doorway.)

LINNIE
My gun. Where's my gun?
(hesitating)
What am I saying? I just had
that bathroom retiled.

A look of inspiration. She darts away from the bathroom door.

INT. APARTMENT BATHROOM - NIGHT

The bathroom door bursts open, and Linnie enters with a pair of cats in her hands and three other felines at her feet.

The brown-and-white rat closes its eyes and the stone in its collar glows again.

One of the cats in Linnie's hands lays its ears back and hisses.

There are loud yowls and hisses from all the cats. They are obviously terrified. The two in Linnie's hands struggle violently for freedom, and she has to drop them.

The cats scurry from the bathroom, leaving Linnie alone with the rat. Wild-eyed with fear, she SQUEALS and dashes out of the bathroom slamming the door shut behind her.

INT. APARTMENT HALLWAY - NIGHT

Linnie trembles violently as though stricken with a case of the DTs. She leans against the wall beside the bathroom door and slides down it until she is sitting on the floor. Such is the depth of her terror for rats.

Suddenly, she hears a voice from inside the bathroom. It has a distinctive IRISH lilt.

IRISH RAT (O.S.)
Did you talk to her?

Linnie is startled. She cocks her head to one side and listens through the door. There is another voice with a strong ENGLISH accent to it.

BROWN-AND-WHITE RAT (O.S.)
Well, no, I didn't get the chance.

IRISH RAT (O.S.)
You didn't talk to her? Are you
daft? We only have a few more days.

Linnie doesn't know what to make of this.

BROWN-AND-WHITE RAT (O.S.)
(peevishly)
Well, pardon me, but I was staring at
a pack of ravenous cats bent on tearing
me limb from limb. It was all I could do
to concentrate on the spell.

Baffled and terrified, Linnie's eyes fall on a laundry marker sitting atop a nearby hall table. She snatches it up, grabs Bedside Bob from the floor and hastily draws a pair of eyes and a line for a mouth on the limp dildo's bulbous head. It bears a remarkable resemblance to a snake.

Tossing the marker aside, Linnie reaches for the handle above her head and cracks the door open. She shoves Bedside Bob through the opening, wiggles it violently, then quickly withdraws it and slams the door shut again.

BROWN-AND-WHITE RAT (O.S.)
What was that?

IRISH RAT (O.S.)
It looked like a snake.

BROWN-AND-WHITE RAT (O.S.)
(a shrill whine born of deep frustration)
My god, now she has a snake? Couldn't
she just buy a parakeet?

Linnie cracks the door once again and thrusts Bedside Bob inside. Once more, she shakes the thing vigorously and then snatches it away and closes the door.

IRISH RAT (O.S.)
It is a snake! Don't you have a spell
you can use to ward off snakes?

BROWN-AND-WHITE RAT (O.S.)
Do you have any idea how long it took
to get the spell right for those cats?

Linny thrusts Bedside Bob through the door a third time and both voices, in unison, SQUEAL in alarm. She yanks the dildo out again and closes the door.

IRISH RAT (O.S.)
What do we do?

There is a short silence.

BROWN-AND-WHITE RAT (O.S.)
(fearfully)
Run away! Run away!

Linnie holds her breath in the hallway as she listens for any other sounds. She cracks the door and gives them another shot of Bedside Bob, but, this time, there is no reaction. She swings the door open wider and peeks inside.

INSERT: WATER CLOSET

The back of the water closet is empty. The rats are gone.

BACK TO SCENE

Linnie settles back heavily against the wall and shuts her eyes. This ordeal has left her exhausted.

INT. APARTMENT BEDROOM - DAY

Linnie is lying face down on the bed, fast asleep. She looks disheveled. A fleck of foam coats one corner of her mouth. There is a loud SNAP!

Linnie awakens in a flash. She pushes herself up with one arm and with the other thrusts Bedside Bob into midair, shaking it like some magic talisman to ward off evil.

Maria is framed in the doorway to the bedroom. There is a look of utter disbelief painted across her face.

MARIA'S POV

Linnie is lying in bed shaking Bedside Bob in Maria's direction. All of her cats are huddled around her, and the floor about the bed is littered with rattraps. Maria's has triggered one by accident.

BACK TO SCENE

MARIA
(baffled)
Linnie, what the hell is going on?

A look of recognition eventually crosses Linnie's face.

LINNIE
Oh, Maria, thank god it's you!
Wait, don't move!

The plastic Red Sox baseball cap is lying on a bedside table. Linnie tosses it onto the floor near Maria's feet, and there is an EXPLOSION of rattraps going off in rapid succession.

Linnie hops out of bed and runs to her friend, throwing her arms around Maria. She is like a frightened child awakened from a horrid nightmare, seeking comfort from a parent.

LINNIE
(continuing; almost incoherent)
It was terrible. There were rats in my
apartment last night. Huge, disgusting,
TALKING rats!

Linnie, wild-eyed, babbles at breakneck speed while clinging to Maria and waving Bedside Bob like a symphony wand.

LINNIE
(continuing)
There was this big one with a collar
around his neck. I remember him. He
was one of the rats who attacked me when
I was three. He had this little collar
on that went - hummm, hummm!

Maria backs away with Linnie attached to her like a leech.

INT. APARTMENT LIVING ROOM - DAY

MARIA
(dark realization)
Oh, my god.

LINNIE
It was at the warehouse with its
buddies. It must have followed me
home. It's some kind of rodent stalker.

MARIA
(whisper of dread)
We didn't get there in time.

LINNIE
And it sat on the back of my toilet
and scared off my cats. And, and,
there was this Irish rat. It sounded
like Kevin O'Shea from burglary.

Blind rage gathers in Maria's face.

MARIA
That bastard. That sorry bastard!

LINNIE
Then, the Irish rat said something
about a magic spell. And that's
when I understood.

Linnie snaps her head around and draws her face to within inches of Maria's. She grabs Maria's coat lapel fiercely. Linnie has the look of a delirious fanatic.

LINNIE
(continuing)
They're evil little TALKING RATS.
They've been following me around
since I was three years old, and
they've put a spell on me so I
can't ever have sex!

Linnie raises the limp dildo to Maria's cheek.

LINNIE
(continuing; fevered hysteria)
For god's sake, Maria, LOOK WHAT
THEY DID TO BOB!!!

Tears of pity well up in Maria's eyes as she stares into Linnie's wide, wild eyes.

MARIA
(softly, resolutely)
If I'd known, I'd have killed that
bastard last night.

LINNIE
I thought of that, but I just had the
bathroom retiled.

There is a loud snap and a YOWL of pain from a cat O.S. Linnie jerks her head around and stuffs Bedside Bob into Maria's hand.

LINNIE
Oh no . . . Smokey! I'm coming!

Linnie darts away from Maria in pursuit of an injured cat.

Maria staggers backwards to the edge of the sofa, dazed and sickened. She glances over and spots the card for Bedside Bob lying on the seat. She picks it up, unfolds it and her eyes grow wide as she looks first at the picture and then the limp dildo in her hand. Open-mouthed, she stares towards Linnie O.S.

MARIA
Oh, my god.

Linnie returns cradling a gray cat in her arms, stroking one of its paws and cooing to it gently.

Maria pitches the dildo and card onto the sofa, pulls the cat out of Linnie's arms and strongarms her towards the front door.

MARIA
We have to get you some help. I
know a therapist. He's an old friend.
You're calling in sick.

Linnie doesn't appear to comprehend a single word being said.

LINNIE
Can we stop by a toy store? I want
to buy a rubber snake. Talking rats
are terrified of rubber snakes!

Maria GROANS.

INT. PSYCHOLOGIST'S OFFICE - DAY

Linnie sits with five other people in a room devoid of windows. The group is composed of DR. KEYES, a psychologist, seated directly across from her, three women and a businessman.

DR. KEYES
Since we've added a new member to our
group, I think we should introduce
ourselves, and talk little about the
issues we're learning to deal with in
our lives. First names will do fine.

He motions to a decidedly overweight woman who sits to Linnie's immediate left.

MARY
My name is MARY, and I'm a compulsive
over-eater.

The businessman is next in the circle. He sits to Keyes' right. Everything about his demeanor is surly.

MARTIN
(irritably)
I'm Martin. But I'm only here because
my company has some bullshit anger
management policy.

Dr. Keyes cautions Martin with a raised hand.

DR. KEYES
Martin, remember what we agreed to
last week. No swearing during group.

MARTIN
(glowering at Keyes)
Yeah, yeah.

DR. KEYES
(a condescending smile)
I'm Dr. William Keyes.

Next is a soft-spoken woman who is the stereotype of the hand-wringing, middle-aged housewife.

LINDA
My name is LINDA. I've been
struggling with anxiety and feelings
of inadequacy in my marriage.

The woman to Linnie's immediate right is a dark-haired beauty named JOAN. She has the jaded look of an upper-class urbanite whose life revolves around such sessions.

JOAN
My name is JOAN, and I'm a classic
manic depressive.

MARTIN
(lewdly)
I can cure your depression, baby.

JOAN
(angry snarl)
In your dreams, moron.

The psychologist moves quickly to control the situation before it gets out of hand.

DR. KEYES
People, people - remember our goal
here. Support one another. We don't
criticize. We don't tear down.
(turning to Joan)
Joan, why don't you let me make the
diagnosis.
(then turning to Martin)
And, Martin, comments like that are
as unwelcome here as they are in the
workplace.

Martin gives the doctor a surly look, but keeps his mouth shut.

There is an uneasy silence as Dr. Keyes picks up a clipboard in his lap and examines it.

DR. KEYES
(continuing)
The new addition to our group is
Evangeline; and she is a police
officer.

All eyes turn towards Linnie. Smiles all around from the women.

LINNIE
(nervously glancing at the others)
Yeah, listen, doctor, is there any way
we could talk in private?

DR. KEYES
Sorry. Only groups on Thursdays.
But you don't need to feel embarrassed.
We're here to help each other.

Linnie fidgets in her chair, obviously uneasy.

LINNIE I don't think my problem is quite the same as everybody else's.

Joan, to Linnie's immediate right, leans over and gives her an reassuring smile.

JOAN
Don't worry, honey. I've been in
therapy so long, there is nothing you
could say I haven't heard before.

Linnie looks straight into Joan's eyes. She is poker-faced.

LINNIE
Since I was three years old, I've been
stalked by a pack of demonic talking
rats. And they've put some kind of curse
on me so I can never have sex.

There is a stunned silence in the room. Joan appears to be frozen in her chair, staring at Linnie with unblinking eyes. Finally, Martin pipes up in his typically crude fashion.

MARTIN
Jesus, she really is screwed up.

DR. KEYES
(angrily; caught off guard)
Martin, I said no swearing and no
criticism of others in the group.

Martin raises his arms in an incredulous gesture. The three women nervously readjust themselves in their chairs.

Dr. Keyes studies his clipboard again, eyeing some scribbled notes carefully.

DR. KEYES
I've known your friend, Maria, for
several years. She said that, last
night, you helped trap the serial
rapist we've heard about on the news.
I'm sure we'd all like to hear about
that.

LINNIE
Well, there's not much to say. I
volunteered to act as bait, and we
caught him in the warehouse district.

DR. KEYES
That was very brave of you.

LINNIE
Not really. I knew he couldn't rape me.

DR. KEYES
And he couldn't rape you because . . .?

LINNIE
The curse.

DR. KEYES
I see. And how, exactly, does this
curse work?

LINNIE
If a guy tries to do anything sexual
to me, something real bad happens to
him. An accident or something.

DR. KEYES
I see. And, I take it something
bad happened to the rapist?

LINNIE
Last I heard, he was still in
intensive care.

Dr. Keyes flips a page on his clipboard and muses over something written there.

DR. KEYES
I understood your partner, Maria,
shot this man while he was standing
over you with a knife.

Linda, the nervous housewife, draws quick breath in horror and puts her hand to her neck.

Mary, the overeater, reaches over and places a comforting hand on Linnie's arm.

MARY
Oh, my god. You poor dear.

LINNIE
(troubled)
I don't remember that.

DR. KEYES
You don't remember a man attacking
you with a knife?

LINNIE
(a forced admission)
No. That's what I was told.

Linnie becomes very uneasy. All eyes are focused on her.

DR. KEYES
Do you remember anything else
about last night, Evangeline?

LINNIE
I remember the rats.

DR. KEYES
The ones that put the curse on you?

LINNIE
Right, only I didn't know they put
a curse on me until two of them
followed me home.

DR. KEYES
Rats were in your house?

LINNIE
In my bathroom. I only SAW one,
but I heard the other one talking.

DR. KEYES
And what did this rat say?

LINNIE
He said something about magic spells.
That's when I put two and two together.
It had to be the rats. They put the
curse on me.

The psychologist knits his brow quizzically.

DR. KEYES
Why do you think rats would take
an interest in your sex life?

Linnie hasn't thought about this before. It stops her cold, and she gropes unsuccessfully for some kind of an answer.

MARTIN
(to Dr. Keyes quizzically)
You think the guy in the warehouse
porked her?

The other women explode.

JOAN
Oh, for god's sake!

LINDA
You are such an ass hole, Martin.

MARTIN
(wounded)
I didn't swear. "Pork's" not
swearing.

JOAN
You don't need therapy, you need
a brain transplant.

MARTIN
Screw you!

DR. KEYES
Joan, Martin, that's enough . . .

LINNIE
(to the other women)
No, hey, listen, he's got it wrong.
The guy didn't touch me. Nobody can
touch me like that.

MARTIN
What a load of crap! Are you saying I
couldn't walk over there, right now,
and stick my hand inside your panties?

DR. KEYES
(forcefully to Martin)
Martin, that's enough!

LINNIE
That's right. You couldn't.
(to Joan on her right)
And for that I'm actually grateful
to the rats.

MARTIN
Bullshit. You're crazy.

LINNIE
(challenging Martin)
Hey, come on, you big jerk. Why
don't you give it a try?
(pushes up her breasts with
cupped hands and bounces them)
See these? The last guy who squeezed
these got hit by a semi. Since every
woman here would like the same thing
to happen to you, why don't you come
on over here and cop a feel?

Martin's face becomes flushed with rage.

MARTIN
You think I wouldn't?

DR. KEYES
(reaches to restrain Martin)
I want everybody to calm down!

LINNIE
These titties are overdue for
squeezing. Come on. Come on!
I dare you, buddy.

Martin's springs to his feet. As soon as he does, there is a loud electrical BUZZ, and the lights flicker out just as he begins to take a step in Linnie's direction. The windowless room instantly becomes pitch black.

A short silence. Then, a woman SCREAMS, and there is the sound of a LOUD, VICIOUS SLAP! Another brief silence. The lights flicker back on again.

Martin is back in his chair cradling his left cheek with his palm. Mary, the overeater, is busily readjusting her blouse. She is red-faced with embarrassment and anger.

Linnie looks at Mary and gives her a coy smile. She then crosses her legs in elegant fashion, turns her head in the other direction and gives the same look to Joan.

Joan and Mary stare at her, shocked.

Another loud buzz. Again the lights go out.

DR. KEYES
I'm sorry; there must be a short
in the electrical system.

The lights flicker on again. Joan and Mary have moved their chairs away from Linnie and are huddled closer to Linda and Martin. The other four members of the group stare at Linnie as though she is a leper.

INT. POLICE SQUAD ROOM - LINNIE'S DESK - DAY

Linnie sits alone at her desk typing a report on the computer. All around her, officers move through the squad room, but she pays no attention to them.

Maria enters the squad room, approaches Linnie and leans forward, keeping her voice low so no one can overhear them.

MARIA
How's everything going?

LINNIE
(shrugging)
Fine, I guess.

MARIA
So, how are things with you and
Dr. Keyes?

LINNIE
After that disaster last Thursday
he started seeing me privately.

Maria leans even closer to Linnie, glancing nervously about at other officers nearby. She speaks in a furtive whisper.

MARIA
Any more visitations? Talking rats,
singing cows?

Stung, Linnie turns away in a huff and resumes her typing. It is obvious that she would like to change the subject, but Maria won't leave without an update.

LINNIE
No. Dr. Keyes thinks I sort of
blacked out when I was attacked.
He thinks I retreated into a
childhood nightmare. Those rats.

Maria nods in silent agreement. It makes sense to her.

LINNIE
(continuing; defiantly)
But it doesn't explain the curse
on me!

MARIA
(raises her voice angrily)
There's no curse on you!

LINNIE
Then why can't I get laid?

At that instant, a young, UNIFORMED MALE OFFICER strides by and glances at Linnie curiously.

LINNIE
(continuing; fumbling for words)
Paid. Paid for my mileage.

The officer walks away and Linnie calls after him nervously.

LINNIE
(continuing)
Have you been paid for your
personal miles this month?

Linnie covers her face with her hands in embarrassment.

LINNIE
(continuing)
Oh, god.

MARIA
(disgusted with her friend)
I swear, Linnie, jealous as I am,
I'm about ready to loan you Carlos
just to get this over with.

LINNIE
(looks up suddenly - worried)
Oh, no. You really like Carlos. Do
that when you're ready to break up
with him. Then I can cripple him for
you and not feel guilty about it.

Maria starts to respond but thinks better of it.

MARIA
You have a lot of leave time built
up, Linnie. Why don't you take some
of your days?

LINNIE
The truth is, I'd rather be
working right now.
(something clicks in her mind;
looks curiously at Maria)
Say, have they learned anything about
that rapist we captured?

MARIA
They I.D.'d the guy. His name
is Frank Mann, and he's wanted
on rape charges in Oklahoma. He's
been working downtown with a
janitorial service. No known
address.

LINNIE
(confused)
Frank Mann? Why did he cut the
initials J. R. into those three
prostitutes?

MARIA
(shrugging her shoulders)
He's the only one who can tell us
that, and he's not talking.

MARIA (CONT'D)
(look of concern)
You sure you're okay? Why don't
you go out with Carlos and me
tonight and have a little fun.
We're going dancing.

LINNIE
(deep sigh)
Thanks for the offer, but the chief
has me lined up for some kind of
high school program this afternoon.
He wants me off the streets for a
few weeks.

MARIA
(sincerely concerned)
That's probably a good thing, Linnie.
You've been through a lot.

LINNIE
(shrugging)
I guess. Anyway, when I finish the
school program, I think I'll just go
home and get some rest.

Maria stands and places a comforting hand on her friend's shoulder.

MARIA
If you change your mind, give
me a call.

Maria exits, and Linnie wearily resumes her task of typing police reports.

INT - SCHOOL HALLWAY - DAY

It is the hallway of St. Catherine's School for Girls. Linnie and a YOUNG NUN appear from around a corner.

YOUNG NUN
I'm so happy you could come and
speak to our girls.

LINNIE
So, this is an all-girl's school?

YOUNG NUN
Yes. St. Catherine's has been a
K through 12 girl's school since
1911. We have one of the highest
academic ratings in Boston.

Linnie is obviously impressed.

LINNIE
So, is there a particular aspect
of police work you'd like me to
discuss with your students?

The young nun stops in the middle of the hall and looks at Linnie curiously.

YOUNG NUN
I thought your captain, Mr. Conlan,
told you about our special lecture
program this month.

LINNIE (shaking head)
No, he just said he wanted me to
talk to your senior class this
afternoon.

YOUNG NUN
We have a special series for some
of our senior girls on sexuality
in the modern world.

LINNIE
(shocked)
Wow . . . no . . . there must be
some mistake. I'm not qualified
to talk about that. I mean I'm
REALLY not qualified. You need
a police psychologist or something.

The young nun suddenly looks worried.

YOUNG NUN
But we understood that you were a
single police officer who practiced
ABSTINENCE.

LINNIE
Oh, I'm way beyond practice. I'm
a pro at that.

The nun knits her brow. Finally, the joke dawns and she laughs suddenly, weirdly. Then, she stops abruptly and becomes quite serious.

YOUNG NUN
Young girls in this promiscuous
age need a fine moral example like
yourself to show them there is a
better way.

Linnie's eyes widen with self doubt.

LINNIE
I don't know . . . I'm really not . . .

The nun ignores Linnie's protests and steps smartly to a nearby classroom door.

CUT TO:

INT - CLASSROOM - DAY

The young nun enters the classroom followed tentatively by Linnie.

There are NINE YOUNG GIRLS seated at desks. All are dressed in school uniforms and all are sitting perfectly still with their backs straight and their eyes fixed on the chalkboard at the front of the classroom.

THE CAMERA PANS to a medium shot of Linnie. To her, this looks like a scene from the Twilight Zone.

LINNIE
(softly murmurs)
Whoa.

The young nun claps her hands and holds them together as though in prayer.

YOUNG NUN
Class, I want to introduce police
officer Evangeline Baker. She is
a member of the Boston vice squad.

The girls' eyes turn suspiciously in Linnie's direction, but their heads remain still.

The nun looks meek and demure, but beneath that surface appearance beats the heart of a true believer. As she gives her introduction, her voice gradually rises in intensity and volume until it reaches a crescendo of religious zeal.

YOUNG NUN
Every day, Miss Baker defends our
city from the plague of drug addicts,
prostitutes, rapists, child molesters,
sexual deviants of every vile
description who are the product of
an immoral world that has turned
its back on god and the holy church
and doomed itself to eternal
damnation!!!

Linnie's eyes grow wide as she listens to the nun's rantings.

As though a switch has been thrown, the nun suddenly resumes her demure manner.

YOUNG NUN
Officer Baker, perhaps more
than anyone in this city, can tell
you why abstinence is the best
choice you can make in life. So,
pay very close attention girls.

The nun flips a queer smile in Linnie's direction and quickly exits the room. Linnie is frozen in place. Her head follows the nun as she leaves and then tracks back to the girls in their desks. She opens her mouth to say something and then falls speechless. Finally, she gets up the nerve to say:

LINNIE
Listen . . . I . . . uh, think the
school may have made a little mistake
here.
(laughs nervously)
I mean, I don't give advice to
anybody about sex, other than
there's HIV and some really bad
people out there, so you really
need to be smart. And abstinence
is good . . . I'm sure, for some
people . . . probably.

HISPANIC GIRL
So, you don't abstain from sex?

LINNIE
Well . . . it's more like it kind
of abstains from me.

BLACK GIRL
I heard one of the Sisters say you
were a virgin. Is that true?

Linnie is caught off guard.

LINNIE
Well . . . uh, yes . . . I suppose
that is true.

BRUNETTE
(amazed)
Wow . . . and you're so old. How
did you do it?

Linnie is stung by the "old" remark. She starts to make a retort but thinks better of it.

The Blonde girl screws her face into a look of absolute disgust.

BLONDE
God, that must be awful. I think
I'd just kill myself.

BLACK GIRL
Amen.

BRUNETTE
My mom's Aunt Hattie was a virgin
all her life, and she ended up in
the looney bin. Mom said Aunt
Hattie used to hear animals talk.

Linnie, startled by this, begins to ask a question, but the Black Girl interrupts her.

BLACK GIRL
Did you ever hear talking animals?

Linnie cuts her eyes sharply towards the Black Girl. She really wants to change the subject.

LINNIE
Look, I've been with Boston P. D.
for eleven years. Most of that
with the vice squad. Is there
anything you'd like to know about
police work.

BLONDE
Is it true that some prostitutes
get like $100 every time they
. . . you know, do it?

LINNIE
I've arrested a few high-priced call
girls, but most hookers don't turn
any more than $35 to $40 a trick.

A BLACK-HAIRED GIRL acquires a look of wide-eyed amazement.

BLACK-HAIRED GIRL
Wow, my boyfriend won't even buy
me a milkshake.

BLACK GIRL
Honey, isn't that the truth? Guys
think you owe it to them.

BLONDE
Hey, I think they owe it to me.

BRUNETTE
Oh, yeah, baby!

The blonde and brunette giggle with glee and high five each other.

The Hispanic girl sneers at the Blonde.

HISPANIC GIRL
Anita, you are such a slut!

BLONDE
I am not.

HISPANIC GIRL
Are too!

And the Hispanic girl sticks her tongue out quickly at the Blonde.

LINNIE
Hey, there . . . now . . . that's
no way to talk.

BLONDE
You've had more guys than me.

HISPANIC GIRL
Have not.

BLACK GIRL
(to Blonde)
So, who have you slept with besides
Ben Harper and Mark Johnston.

BLONDE
(angrily)
I never did it with Mark.

BLACK GIRL
You are such a big liar!

BLONDE
I am not! We just sixty-nined.
That doesn't count.

The other girls around her nod in agreement.

BRUNETTE
(to Black Girl)
She's right. That doesn't count.

BLACK GIRL
So, how many?

BLONDE
Three.

HISPANIC GIRL
Oh, you're lying.

BLONDE
I am not! Ben, John and my
cousin Jack.

There are gasps from the other girls.

BRUNETTE
You did it with your cousin? Yuck!

BLONDE
(defensive)
Hey, he was like my fourteenth
cousin. He goes to college like at
Harvard or something. And besides,
he's really hot.

BRUNETTE
Still, you're probably going to
hell for that. Doing it with a
family member is like some big
unforgivable sin or something.

The Black-haired girl, who has been diligently doing arithmetic with the help of a calculator, suddenly looks up and appears irritated.

BLACK-HAIRED GIRL
Jeeze, even at thirty-five bucks
Billy would owe me like two thousand
dollars for last month. I can't
believe he made me buy my own ticket
to the Overlords concert.

Linnie does some quick figuring on her fingers and stares at the girl in amazement.

BRUNETTE
My boyfriend said Jenny Warner
did the whole West High boy's
basketball team . . . at one
time.

More gasps, mixed with oohs and ahhs of disapproval from the girls.

Linnie looks at the girl in disbelief.

The Black-Haired girl leans forward in her chair and looks straight at Linnie.

BLACK-HAIRED GIRL
Don't you ever think about it?
I mean, don't you ever wonder
what it'd be like to lay down
naked next to some guy and have
him make love to you?

Linnie's expression says the thought may have crossed her mind on more than one occasion.

The Brunette closes her eyes, slipping into the world of imagination.

BRUNETTE
I like it when they rub my back first.

BLACK GIRL
Oh, yeah, and then they start kissing your neck.

HISPANIC GIRL
Then, his hands go all over your body.

BLACK-HAIRED GIRL
But I won't let him have it right
away. I make him work for it!

There is another chorus of assent all around followed by a pause in the discussion. Linnie, by now, is leaning forward, absorbed by the conversation. She grows impatient with the delay.

LINNIE
And then?

To prove the teen mind is incapable of concentrating on one subject for any appreciable length of time, the Blonde abruptly asks Linnie:

BLONDE
(cheerily)
Do you use a vibrator?

The question jars Linnie, causing her to flinch. She looks at the Blonde dumbfounded.

HISPANIC GIRL
(to Blonde)
I've heard Bedside Bobs are
the best.

BLACK GIRL
That's the truth. My girlfriend,
Tess, let me use hers and let
me tell you . . .

The Black Girl rolls her eyes ecstatically.

At that instant there is a rap on the classroom door and the girls instantly snap back to their original rigid positions: straight in their desks, eyes on the blackboard, ANGELIC EXPRESSIONS painted on their faces.

CUT TO:

CLOSEUP: FACE OF YOUNG NUN

The young nun peeks her head through a crack in the door. She looks at the class and Linnie, and then gives Linnie an quirky grin.

YOUNG NUN
Is everything all right in here?

Linnie looks towards the door as though she has just jarred awake from a dream.

LINNIE
Huh? What? Oh . . . fine,
fine.

Flushed, she tugs at the collar of her blouse.

LINNIE
Is it a little hot in here to
you?

INT. LINNIE'S APARTMENT FOYER - NIGHT

Linnie steps inside the foyer to her apartment, drops her keys on the table and punches the play button on the answering machine.

MECHANICAL VOICE (V.O.)
There are no new messages.

Linnie leans her back heavily against the foyer wall and sinks into a pool of despair. She unclips her holster from the belt and drops the pistol unceremoniously atop the table.

LINNIE I should not be allowed to carry
a gun at this point in my life.

She suddenly becomes aware that her cats did not greet her.

LINNIE
(continuing)
Smokey? Barney? Where are you guys?

She walks towards the living room searching for her pets.

INT - APARTMENT LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

Linnie enters the living room of her apartment and spots one of the cats sitting on a table beside a window. He appears to be staring at something outdoors through a partially opened curtain. The animal is as still as a granite statue.

LINNIE
Barney, what do you see? Is there
a bird outside the window?

She approaches and gently reaches for the cat. When she touches him, he falls over on his side, stiff as a board. He appears to be a lifelike product of a taxidermist. Linnie draws back with a GASP. She looks around the apartment.

SERIES OF SHOTS

A) Another cat is standing frozen on the counter. His back is arched. His ears are laid back. He appears to have been caught in mid-hiss.

B) A third cat was playing with the cables of a window blind. His sits on his haunches with his front paws extended into mid air.

C) A fourth lies on the sofa, staring with unblinking eyes.

Linnie, shocked and terrified, backs away from her apparently lifeless animals as though she thinks they might spring at her. She moves hastily towards the front door.

-- END PART TWO --

--Back to Top--

 !  Sidebar Information /
Fan Fiction

Kathy Griffin

In this script, Kathy plays the part of Linnie. To read a brief biography, go to Kathy Griffin >>.


Evangeline (Linnie) Baker has a problem. She is thirty-five years old, and she is still a virgin. It is not Linnie's fault. She is attractive, intelligent and witty. She has a good job as a Boston vice cop, and she really likes men. In fact, since Linnie was in high school, she has tried hard to lose her "unsullied" status; but there seems to be nothing she can do about it. Any time a man starts to feel amorous towards her some bizarre, inexplicable and, often, painful accident befalls him. Eventually, Linnie comes to the conclusion that she is cursed. And, she is right.

When Linnie was only three years old, a pack of six Boston sewer rats placed a magic spell on her designed to keep her a chaste virgin until the day arrived when she could help them return to their true forms. One thousand years ago, a brave band of warrior heroes, accompanied by a neophyte wizard, set out to do battle with an evil sorcerer who was ravaging the British Isles. Unfortunately, they lost.

Linnie discovers the terrible wizard still walks the Earth seeking positions of power where he can cause the greatest harm to the most people. Naturally, in America, he heads a powerful corporate law firm for Wall Street.

Linnie must overcome her life-long fear of rats in order to help this small band of rodent heroes locate the dread sorcerer, break the spell, return to their true human forms and defeat the evil wizard once and for all. Only then can Linnie hope to have a normal love life.

Select any one of the links below to go to another part of
Cursed >> 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5


John Leeper is an heirloom tomato farmer, children's author, religious scholar and former Mississippi River rat now living in Northwest Tennessee. Check out his website at www.guruofthegarden.com. Click here to see his full bio. John H. Leeper >>

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